Monthly Archives: October 2010

It Gets Better

I would admit I have no clear idea of how the “It Gets Better” movement came to be, but I have skimmed through videos and news about an American politician, encouraging distraught, bullied, and suffering gay people that eventually everything will pass and “it gets better.”

And his words can’t be more than anything else but true. Growing up, I also faced struggles from being discriminated and teased upon by other people. I have tried every means possible to correct this ‘abnormality,’ even going to desperate measures to date and have sex with women, which, I think, made my certainty that I’m gay firmer on the ground. There came a time when I was like a chameleon, changing my colors to fit the background. There Are people that I’m openly gay, and from the majority I was hiding, like from my family whose acceptance matters to me more than the world.

My memory doesn’t help me remember when I really came out. All I knew was most people in school know that I’m gay, and even if they’d aske me I would say yes. And that’s the time, I think, my life went from being scared all the time to being indifferent of what people think of me. That’s the time when life started to change towards the better. People can’t tease me from being gay, because they can’t hurt me with this thing anymore. The word ‘gay’ is not an insult anymore. It is me. It’s a declaration of my being. It’s like teasing a dog that he’s a dog, or a cat that it’s a cat. You’re just stating the obvious, and there’s no more harm with that. It simply is pointless now, if you come to think of it.

I’m turning 23 now, and I could say that life has changed a lot since elementary or high school. People are now more accepting of our sexual preference. But there are still those under the shadows of close-mindedness who are the very reason that some of us don’t come out of their closets fully, maybe one foot still stuck inside trying to get out. Well, that’s how I live – openly gay but still a step away from truly being free. But I still got more years to live and nobody has to tell me that life will get better, because I know it will be. And when that time finally comes, I will be ready and the struggling foot inside the closet will come out with all its will, kicking the doors of that closet shut.

Wrapping Up “The Hunger Games” Trilogy with “Mockingjay”

I don’t know exactly what to think or what to feel after finishing reading “Mockingjay,” the last installment of “The Hungers Games” Trilogy. The story was gory and full of unexpected twists and turns that kept me going until the very last pages of the book. However, as I closed the book, I get this weird notion that I want something more for the ending. Perhaps I was hoping that Suzanne Collins would end the book the way I wanted it to end. But on careful inspection, if it ended my way, then I would say that the ending was predictable. So I’ll just say the ending was the perfect as it is. The war ceased, the protagonist ending the love triangle that had kept us thinking who she would choose at the end with a very logical reason for doing so, and how they both end up having their own family of four, without the fear of their children being pulled from a draw-lot to fight to the death in the Hunger Games. And if the story wrapped out with Katniss being the president of Panem, then I wouldn’t buy that shit, though I know deep inside that’s actually what I wanted to happen. Even if I feel like I’m still hanging on to the book, and perhaps that’s what Suzanne Collins planned after all – to slightly disappoint us with the ending, but then realize that there’s really no other sane and believable way to end this trilogy.

And now I’m just full of hope that soon this book would turn to a movie. Fingers crossed.

I’m Taking My Insecurities To Bed

We are insecure in some ways or another. Even the most seemingly perfect people in the world have insecurities. It is something that is universal. No exceptions.

I, for one, have a lot of insecurities. I live with them everyday. They’re with me when I wake up and until I finally close my eyes at night. Some are really hard to accept, some I’ve grown accustomed to. Also I find that revealing my insecurities to other people is a kind of weakness. It’s like you’re letting other people find your weak spot, which they can use against you to smother your ego.

All desperate attempts are made to cover all these insecurities. I hide them by being funny. I hide them by doing better at things. I hide them so that people would notice my accomplishments and not my frailties. And if people do find out about my insecurities, there’s still hope. Some people may deliberately overlook these imperfections and give emphasis on other extraordinary things that I possess. They’d say, “Even he’s like that or has something this, at least he’s smart.” or “At least he’s really comedic and so fun to be with.”

And if people are like this, maybe I’ll learn to let some things go and never be bothered about my insecurities. They are there for a reason, and if people can accept that, then there’s really nothing much to worry about.