Monthly Archives: September 2010

Last Night, I Prayed… Once Again.

I have no idea when was the last time I closed my eyes and offered a fervent prayer to God. Though I couldn’t even say it was that fervent of a prayer because I almost fell asleep midway my entreaty. But He’s a great God, and I bet He already knew what I wanted to say even before I said it. And all I wanted to say last night was that I’m sorry, because some time in my life… I lost faith.

I lost faith in Him because, I thought, if He truly loved me, then my life shouldn’t be in such a rubble like what it’s in now. I stopped praying deliberately as a sign of rebellion to show Him that I don’t appreciate any of these things that are happening. But a rebellion like this isn’t a win-lose situation, as I hoped. I gained nothing, and everything just went from worse to total chaos.

And that was stupid, to ignore God at a time when I needed Him most. I have forgotten that when things take the rough road, I always turn to Him for help, and He would me guide me, holding my hand tight, and walk me through the very end. Those were the times when I totally surrender to Him and say, “It’s up to you now. You know what’s good for me.”

Also because of life’s hustle and bustle, I got lost. And the voice that I hear at night after a prayer, the voice that sounds so omniscient, was suddenly gone. It isn’t God’s voice that I was hearing, just to be clear. The voice was clearly mine, but this one’s way smarter and knows all the answers to my questions. I don’t have the faintest idea how I could bring that voice back. I even tried imitating it one night, trying to ask myself questions, hoping that that voice would speak to me again. But all I could hear is my mind, trying to speak so eloquently, but a far cry from the voice that resembles God.

I feel so alone now, battling my way through life, surviving, barely. I know God is still there listening, watching me through my every step. And all He wanted me to do is to open the door to my heart because He has just been waiting outside all this time.

And when I started to pray again, I knew I opened that door to my heart. I felt His love again. But how? I felt a bright light of hope touch my face and I felt so light I can almost float over my bed. That’s God. He’s here. He didn’t let me finish my prayer for He said, “Take a rest now, my child. You’re too tired of thinking about everything. Tomorrow we’ll begin.”

I don’t even remember if I finished my prayer, but I knew I slept well that night.

Ladies’ Man? Naaaaaaah!

This is my entry for Yugatech’sShow Me Your Oldest Photo Contest.”

Photo: This was taken at a sagala/parade when I was 9 years old.
Date: Not sure. Around 1996

I could have chosen to upload some baby pictures of me, but that’s too common, and I bet a lot of the entries that were sent are photos of babies in the nude. So I decided to take “the road less traveled” by sending this one as my official entry.

This photo made me really laugh. It reminded me of the days when my family still thought I would be a “ladies’ man” when I grow up and make a lot of girls cry. But unfortunately, I grew up preferring boys. Sorry, mom and dad, for not meeting your expectations. Haha.

So I’m Finally Quitting CrossFire

Yes, you read it right — I’m quitting. The deadline is on the 20th of September at exactly 3:00 in the morning. I thought it’d only be appropriate to set a deadline because if not, I bet my life that my quitting would be delayed… yet again. So above I placed a countdown timer so you guys can see how much time I still have left. And when those numbers reach 0 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds, I would be uninstalling the game from my computer and forget I ever had a CrossFire account.

But one of you may inquire, “Of all dates, why set the 20th as the deadline?”

Well, in the game, CrossFire, there are daily missions which one has to accomplish to get a daily reward of anything among in-game currency, guns, or experience points. And Sept. 20 marks the 20th and the last daily mission for the month, which rewards my most begrudged gun in the game – the Ak-47 knife.

Ak-47 Knife

Isn’t she a beauty? I already have an ak-47 in storage, but this one’s has a knife, and that makes all the difference! Haha. So there’s gonna be a lot of stabbing that would happen when I get that gun. (^,…,^)

Now let’s say I complete the daily mission at 12:30am, I will be giving myself 2-and-a-half hours to enjoy using the gun. I think that’s reasonable enough. And then at exactly 3:00am, it would be time to finally say farewell to CrossFire, a game which provided me entertainment for the 5 months that I have been addicted to it.

I have to admit, I will be missing a lot of things about that game, especially all those people I had met. But thanks to Facebook, I’m not worried at all of losing touch with most of them. We can always chat, go out watch a movie, or even have a party at our place.

Eyeball at my place with Equinox people
Me, Kim, and Jhen
Mark, Me, and Kim. (I wish they end up together)

And now for the reason behind quitting. I want to quit because, like starting this blog, I’m trying to move forward. Nothing productive has happened in the 5 months that I had been playing the game. It was bad for my health – sitting all day in front of the computer; useless for my career – no way “excellent CrossFire player” would ever end up on my resume; and was a waste of time – time which I should have spent with my family and doing the other things that I love.

With CrossFire out of the way, hopefully I can work out again, get a job, and – fingers crossed – find love (don’t laugh). But I still have (go look at the countdown timer) left before I finally quit the game, so wish me luck!

And lastly, here are a few screenshots from the game. Enjoy.

that’s me oOoKieNoOo. 
My game stats. weak, I know.
My current clan. A lot of cute guys here.

My original clan. Cute guys? I don’t know.